Different

I don't know if it is because I'm getting older and my perspective on things, people, events, LIFE in general have changed slowly but I've been feeling disconnected.

DIFFERENT.

It's definitely not the same as it used to be. I don't long nor do I need to be with certain people ALL THE TIME - EVERY TIME. Not to say I don't care about SPECIFIC - SPECIAL people in my life. There are very very few in my life right now that I LOVE & fully trust and know I can count on.

The word 'LOVE' & 'BEST' get thrown around like its free and of no true value anymore. Its kind of disgusting if you ask me. These feelings, these gifts should be earned thru years of unconditional love and respect for each other. But ok, what ever floats your boat. I just find it funny and ridiculous that come around this time next year certain people will be singing a different tune. These people they so call 'LOVE' and are 'BESTS' with - are they really?? Look in the mirror & re-evaluate. I've had to and it's not pretty nor is it easy.

TRUTH > EMPTY 'SHIPS'

I AM FULLY IMPLYING THIS TO BOTH FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS, so please don't get it twisted.

I am very careful with who I let in NOW. You may think you're in with me, but if you really knew me, you'd know I guess. If you're wondering if you're one of those people... the fact that you're wondering probably means that you're NOT. But hey we're "cool" and I have NO ILL FEELINGS towards (most) people. Just do me a favor. Don't say you love me or call me your best when you don't and I'm not. Thanks.

There are def times where I contemplate that I'm fully turning into my mother and am slowly starting to shut people out or just simply becoming 'BITTER BETTY'. But I know I'm NOT because I am the opposite of anti-social & I know first hand way more NEGATIVE people to even associate myself with those terms. I just think I'm am ready for a big - huge change in my life. Not necessarily instantaneously, but I want to be heading in that direction. I will not settle for where I am at now. So don't expect to see me here in the next 5 years. Yup, that's my answer to the "Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?" question.

NOT HERE. That means my physical location as well as mentally & spiritually.

I want to keep dancing. This may well be my last year on Culture Shock though, keep it real.

I want to move. To LA or to SF for damn sure. Especially since my baby brother is going into the Air Force, he said there's a station in SF!! That would be perfect, but I'd miss my sister and Riley like FUCKING CRAZY. I have faith & I know it will work out.

I can't seem to start fresh here in San Diego without people thinking I'm being a flake or that I'm "too cool" since I don't hang out with them anymore. I am so NOT TOO COOL. I just want something different. I'm really done doing "that" same old - same old you know. I shouldn't care what anybody thinks anyways. I eventually always just do what I want and that's the end of that.